Kick-Ed: The Return of Captain Melonhead
by tailsdollsminion
Summary: This is a sequel to Robbin' Ed. Captain Melonhead joins Justice Forever and Eddy becomes a greater evil. This is a crossover of EEnE with Kick-Ass.
1. Professor Scam Rises

Cast:

Jonny (Captain Melonhead)

Plank (Splinter)

Eddy (Professor Scam/The Mother Fucker)

Ed (Chicken-Man)

Edd (Battle Guy)

Kevin (Kick-Ass)

Nazz (Hit Girl)

Rolf (Colonel Stars and Stripes)

Sarah (Night Bitch)

Jimmy (Insecto)

Victor (Eisenhower)

Lee Kanker (Mother Russia)

May Kanker (Bane)

Marie Kanker (Love Girl)

Eddy's Brother (himself)

Chapter 1: Professor Scam Rises

Eddy: Where is my costume for Professor Scam? I will have my revenge against Captain Melonhead for ruining my scams!

*knocks over box, has gimp outfit and sex toys inside*

Eddy: This looks like a much better costume.

*puts costume on*

Eddy: From this day forward, I shall be known as THE MOTHER FUCKER! And no one, not even Captain Melonhead can stop me!

*flashes to Captain Melonhead walking with Splinter and broom*

Captain Melonhead: I heard there is a new superhero group called Justice Forever! You want to join, Splinter?

*walks into Justice Forever base*

Kick-Ass: Who are you?

Captain Melonhead: I am Captain Melonhead, preventer of crime and scamming!

Kick-Ass: What are you doing in our base?

Captain Melonhead: I came to join you!

Kick-Ass: Alright. Well, I'm Kick-Ass. And I beat the shit out of crime-committing dorks to keep this city in check.

Captain Melonhead: Wait... Are you... Kevin?

Kick-Ass: *whispers* Shhhhh... Don't blurt out our secret identities!

Captain Melonhead: Okay then. Also, this is my sidekick Splinter. *points to broom with Splinter on it*

Kick-Ass: Uh, hi... Nice to... meet you? Well, anyway, follow me.

*Captain Melonhead follows Kick-Ass*

Kick-Ass: This is Hit Girl. *points at Hit Girl*

Hit Girl: Hi!

Kick-Ass: And this is our leader, Colonel Stars and Stripes.

Colonel Stars and Stripes: It's a pleasure for Colonel to meet you, Melonboy!

Kick-Ass: This is Night Bitch and Insecto.

*flashes to Eddy's Brother's house*

The Mother Fucker: *knocks on Eddy's brother's door*

Eddy's Brother: Can I help you?

The Mother Fucker: *points gun at Eddy's brother* You are coming with me! You will need to recruit some badass villains and help me destroy Captain Melonhead once and for all!

Eddy's Brother: Okay! Please don't shoot me! Please!

The Mother Fucker: Then get me some badass villains.

*flashes to the Kanker's house*

Eddy's Brother: *rings doorbell, scared*

Lee: Hello, Mr. Eddy's Brother! Did you come for some more kisses?

Eddy's Brother: No... I came to hire you girls to be supervillains. The Mother Fucker sent me.

Lee: I don't know...

Eddy's Brother: Please! If I let The Mother Fucker down, he'll kill me! Literally!

Lee: Alright, but there will need to be some smooching! You, me, Marie and May!

Eddy's Brother: Oh God...

*later, in the Mother Fucker's lair*

*Eddy's Brother covered in kiss marks comes in with the Kankers*

Eddy's Brother: Alright, I got your villains! What do you want me to do now?

The Mother Fucker: I'm ready to steal some money! Let's head to a store!

To Be Continued in the next chapter...


	2. Captain Melonhead Captures a Dork

Chapter 2: Captain Melonhead and Kick-Ass Capture a Dork

*guy comes in*

Colonel Stars and Stripes: What the hell was that?

Guy: I AM CHICKEN-MAN! WATCH ME FLING EGGS!

Captain Melonhead: Wait, Chicken-Man? He was my sidekick!

Colonel Stars and Stripes: Sidekick? Colonel thought Wood-boy was your sidekick, Melonboy!

Captain Melonhead: Superheroes can have multiple sidekicks, you know.

Battle Guy: *walks in* Some guy called Chicken-Boy just woke me up. I needed my beauty sleep.

Kick-Ass: Oh, Captain Melonhead! This is Battle Guy! He is another member of Justice Forever I forgot to introduce you too.

Chicken-Man: *walks in* CHUNKY PUFFS!

Captain Melonhead: Colonel, do you have any chunky puffs?

Colonel Stars and Stripes: Yes, Colonel does! But first, we need to solve a crime!

*goes to bad neighborhood*

Captain Melonhead: So, what did this guy do?

Kick-Ass: He is selling women for prostitution.

Colonel Stars and Stripes: Not just women. Kids too. Victor, are you ready?

Victor: *bleats*

Colonel Stars and Stripes: Ready?

Everyone: Ready!

Colonel Stars and Stripes: *knocks on door*

Big Bodyguard: Yes, may I help you?

Colonel Stars and Stripes: *knocks out bodyguard* Alright, come on in, guys.

*Kick-Ass, Captain Melonhead, Night Bitch and Colonel Stars and Stripes beat up guards*

Insecto: I... I can't take the fighting! *runs back to the van*

Captain Melonhead: Okay, why did you let Insecto join?

Night Bitch: If Insecto couldn't join, I'd leave, and the Colonel needs me!

Captain Melonhead: Oh, okay.

Chicken-Man: *picks up guard, puts guard in his mouth*

Guard: HELP ME! THIS IS DISGUSTING!

Chicken-Man: *spits guard out, guard sticks to wall with saliva*

Guard: THIS IS FUCKING UNSANITARY!

Colonel Stars and Stripes: *ties up leader* Alright, where are the prostitutes?

Leader: Why the fuck should I tell you, you Foreign bastard?

Colonel Stars and Stripes: *speaks Foreign language to Victor*

Victor: *bites leader in the balls*

Colonel Stars and Stripes: That's for being racist. Now... *points gun at leader* Where are they?

Leader: Why should I say?

Victor: *bites leader's balls harder*

Colonel Stars and Stripes: Yeah, there's a goat on your balls!

*flashes to outside*

Colonel Stars and Stripes: We did it!

Kick-Ass: We freed those forced prostitutes and we kicked that dork's ass!

Captain Melonhead: Hey guys, I heard there have been reports of robberies everywhere! Splinter just told me!

*flashes to The Mother Fucker's lair*

The Mother Fucker: Ah, this is the life! We get to rob and murder! Being a villain is awesome!

Mother Russia: And we got laid!

Love Girl: Totally!

May: *with Bane mask on* Alright, I got my costume on! What do you think? My name is Bane!

The Mother Fucker: There is already a supervil- ah, never mind! Bane it is!

May (Bane): Hooray!

The Mother Fucker: Yo, Alfred! You got our cookies ready?

Eddy's Brother: First of all, my name is not Alfred, and second of all, the cookies are still cooking!

The Mother Fucker: Well, hurry up! Alright, Captain Melonhead, you have had your fun being a superhero. But now, it's MY turn! Mwahahahahaha!

To be continued in chapter 3...


	3. The Epic Battle

Chapter 3: The Epic Battle

*at the Mother Fucker's lair, many goons are in it*

The Mother Fucker: Alright, I came up with our villain team name. We are the Toxic Mega Cunts!

Mother Russia: Good name.

*all of Justice Forever breaks in*

Kick-Ass: Alright, Mother Fucker, you have spread your dork chaos all around, and now, we shall defeat you!

Hit Girl: Alright, fucktards, are you ready to die?

Colonel Stars and Stripes: Colonel is ready to defeat them!

*Justice Forever and the Toxic Mega Cunts fight*

Captain Melonhead: *runs towards The Mother Fucker*

Hit Girl: *faces Mother Russia*

Mother Russia: Are you ready to die, little girl?

Hit Girl: I am if I have to keep looking at that shit stain you call a face.

Mother Russia: *growls*

Love Girl: *gives Insecto a wedgie*

Insecto: Owie! Owie!

Night Bitch: YOU LEAVE JIMMY ALONE!

Love Girl: Or what?

Night Bitch: *punches Love Girl and runs*

Love Girl: May, come here! *May arrives* We need to get her!

Bane: Alright. *runs towards Night Bitch*

Night Bitch: *punches Bane, knocks her out*

Love Girl: Why, you little bitch!

*flashes to Hit Girl and Mother Russia*

Mother Russia: *beats up Hit Girl*

Hit Girl: *tries to stab Mother Russia with needle*

Mother Russia: Is this your last resort? *grabs Hit Girl and stabs her with needle*

Hit Girl: *jumps out of Mother Russia's arms* It's called adrenaline, bitch! *beats up Mother Russia until she is knocked out*

Kick-Ass and Captain Melonhead: *runs towards The Mother Fucker*

Eddy's Brother: *walks in front of Kick-Ass* where do you think you're going?

Kick-Ass: I am going to kick that dork Mother Fucker's ass, and you will not stop me!

Battle Guy and Chicken-Man: *fights other Toxic Mega Cunts members*

Chicken-Man: I'M A CHICKEN MAN *crashes into other TMC members and knocks them out*

Battle Guy: Thanks, Chicken Man!

*Night Bitch and Hit Girl beat up Love Girl*

Kick-Ass: *hits Eddy's Brother in the face with sticks*

Eddy's Brother: *falls to the ground* That hurt.

Kick-Ass: That's the point. I'm going to kick your ass. *swings sticks at Eddy's brother*

Eddy's Brother: *blocks, then punches Kick-Ass in the face* You think that will work again?

Kick-Ass: No, but this will! *hits Eddy's Brother in the balls with stick*

Eddy's Brother: AHH! *falls to the ground*

*flashes to the roof*

Captain Melonhead: Mother Fucker, you will not win! Or should I say, Professor Scam!

The Mother Fucker: You figured that out, huh?

*Captain Melonhead and The Mother Fucker fight*

*The Mother Fucker shoots bullets at Captain Melonhead, but the broom blocks the bullets*

Captain Melonhead: Really? You have to be that cheap?

The Mother Fucker: You expect a villain to play fair?

Captain Melonhead: *hits The Mother Fucker in the head with broom* No, but I expect to defeat you! *hits The Mother Fucker in the balls with broom*

The Mother Fucker: *falls unconscious*

Captain Melonhead: *walks downstairs* Justice Forever wins! I defeated The Mother Fucker!

*later in Justice Forever's base, The Mother Fucker and the Kanker sisters are in a locked crate labeled "JAIL"*

Kick-Ass: We defeated the Toxic Mega Cunts and we arrested The Mother Fucker!

Captain Melonhead: To Justice Forever!

Everyone else in Justice Forever: TO JUSTICE FOREVER!

The Mother Fucker: This sucks...

Mother Russia: Hey, girls, let's kiss the Mother Fucker!

The Mother Fucker: NO! NO! NO! *gets jumped on and kissed by the girls*

Mother Russia: We may be in jail, but we still have a boy, so we're still happy!

THE END


End file.
